Last week we talked about self-sabotage and how it’s almost always routed in fear. Well what do you do to beat the fear and stop self-sabotaging? You kick it in the face.
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It’s been a year since I quit my job. It also coincidentally almost coincides with my birthday which makes the reflection factor high. In case you need a recap, in the spring of 2018 I was seriously considering what I wanted to do with my life. I was tired of people asking me, “how’s work?” and only being able to reply with, “it’s fine.” By all accounts I was in a successful career that suited my strengths, but there was something missing. Finally, Seb and I decided that we had enough savings that I could quit and figure it out. Boy am I glad I did.
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Most of our Western culture teaches us to look outside yourself for the right answers. Go to the college that has the best reputation. Pick the career that mentors or parents think you will excel at. When you’re struggling, ask others what they did when they were in a similar situation. Not that I think seeking advice is completely wrong, I just think we have the model a little backwards. Instead of researching and deciding for ourselves, we look at what has worked for others and make the same choices.
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There is a fundamental problem with our societal idea of failure. When you think of failure you often think of a failed business or failure to meet a goal. It seems like the end all be all. Disgrace, rejection, shame. But that’s like reading one chapter of a book. It’s only one part of the story.
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Some people call it hippy, New Age, woo-woo, or airy-fairy, but I just like to think I’m ahead of the curve. In the same way that yoga used to only be for hippies, some of the things I love some people consider to be alternative. While I do believe that the US culture is gradually starting to accept some of these concepts like crystals, sage, and tarot, you’re welcome take what you want from this list and leave the rest. The primary reason I practice some of these things is because they’re fun so if it feels fun for you, give them a try!
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If you’re in the self-improvement space at all, you’ll know that finding your “why” is a frequently discussed topic and most people would tell you that it’s crucial for living a purposeful life. It’s also maddening when everyone is saying “you need to figure it out and here’s how” and then you still can’t figure it out. I read articles and blog posts and books. I listened to podcasts and youtube videos. I really, truly wanted to find what would make me fulfilled, but it eluded me.
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One of the things I sometimes get nervous about is that I come off as telling people how exactly to live their life. I have in the past been a very black + white person (sometimes I still am), but I’m realizing more and more that most everything is a little bit grey. I now get frustrated when people make sweeping assumptions about how something “should” be done. I don’t love the word should. And I don’t believe that there’s one right way to do anything. Here’s what I mean:
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Feelings are hard. Recently though, I’ve realized how different my emotions and mood swings are than they used to be. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Not that something sappy doesn’t still make me teary, but I don’t cry anymore just because I’m frustrated, angry, or took a wrong turn on the way home. Once you have a handle on what’s going on with your emotions, you can decide how to deal with them. A really awesome side effect of this is that you come to understand that other people’s feelings are not your own and are not your responsibility.
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I’ve always noticed it for myself outside of the context of astrology or any other alternative approach. I go through periods of intense motivation and periods of sluggishness. Energetic shifts can have a large impact on your personal energy. It’s the reason that things can go a little haywire at the full moon every month. So I have start researching a little more into what energy shifts are happening. While I definitely don’t think this is a hard and fast rule, I’ve noticed that this particular shift, the winter solstice, has certainly reflected in my personal energy as well.
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Once upon a time I was a college graduate with no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. After taking an internship at a marketing software company post college, I grew to love what I was doing and found software development and especially product management exciting.
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